Charlie's Angels Full Throttle

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The plot in a nutshell
The first Charlie's Angels film did so well it was only a matter of time before the sequel hit the screen.  This time around, an ex-Angel (Demi Moore) isn't quite as sweet (or as utterly insipid) as the rest of the team.  Bosely is replaced by his brother (Bernie Mac this time around instead of Bill Murray), but the Angels and Charlie are just the same.  Only less interesting.

There's a plot, but it's not really worth explaining.  Oh, sure, I'll do it down below, but for now let's just say the Angels fight the bad guys through a series of extreme sports opportunities, making xXx look like Citizen Kane.

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Relatively Spoiler Free Thoughts
If you're really desperate to know, I'll explain the pitiful plot.
  There are two rings worn by two different guys (uh, one was some U.S. Marshall, and one was some other important guy.  It really didn't matter.) and in these two rings is all the information on the witness protection program.  The bad guys want the two rings so they can sell the information to the highest bidding member of organized crime.

What the hell was the writer thinking?  Does this make any sense whatsoever?  Why would I have the data on the members of the program only accessible through the use of these two silly rings?  And once these rings are stolen and the information compromised, what's the point in getting them back?  The data is already compromised - duh!

On top of that, we're given a goofy convoluted plot that brings back 'the thin man' (Crispin Glover's character from the first film), gives background info on Dylan that has her the girlfriend of an Irish mob family member (Drew Barrymore), tries to explain how it's possible that the very black Bernie Mac is the 'brother' of the very white Bill Murray, a few fuzzy details on just why Demi Moore is such a bad girl when she was once an Angel, all thrown against one extreme sport after another.

You can actually see these people sitting in a room around a table.  "So what's in the film?  Hmmmm...we have to have dirt bikes, street luge, surfing, gliding out of buildings...what else are all the hip kids into these days?"  The movie tries so hard to be an MTV video (no surprise with McG at the helm) that it complete forgets to be entertaining.

The dialog isn't any better than the plot, with some truly awful jokes that fall flatter than Cameron Diaz in a Kevlar breast plate.  They dabble with making us feel sorry for Dylan, although there's no time to actually care, and even the normally funny Bernie Mac has nothing to work with here.  My biggest disappointment though is how they turned Glover's character, originally fairly interesting, into such a complete screwball.  And how could Glover agree to such an atrocity?  When he was told to scream like a freak as he was smelling a lock of hair, not once but repeatedly, he should have turned in his hair grease.

Demi Moore didn't make any great career decision here, either.  Perhaps the opportunity for her to run around in a bikini and show us all how great she looks clouded her judgment.  Bruce Willis also has a 60 second cameo - perhaps his good sense was part of the divorce settlement.

I'm beginning to think that McG isn't even capable of handling his next project - the oh so difficult Hot Wheels film.  You know you're in trouble when a movie about little cars all growed up is a stretch for your talents. 

Rating - Skip It
This has got to be the stupidest movie of 2003.  Really. This movie is beyond mindless - it's simply silly and ridiculous.  I can't believe that seemingly intelligent people like Matt Damon, Bruce Willis, Demi Moore, Shia LaBeouf, Luke Wilson, and John Cleese got themselves hooked up with this complete mess.  Do yourself a huge favor and don't make the same mistake they did.

Spoiler Laden Thoughts
There's nothing to spoil.  Really.

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